i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
