Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
