we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize