is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
