when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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