You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize