6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
