My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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