He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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