You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
