you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
