I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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