woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
