Screwed.edu
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
