My first STD was from a foam party
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
