Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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