I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
