Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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