Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
