how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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