i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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