Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
