Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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