thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
