she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
