Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
