tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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