you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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