Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
