My liver just broke up with me...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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