I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there's paper in my vomit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
