CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
