she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
