You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
