dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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