No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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