On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
