I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
