Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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