I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
