Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
