People in love make me want to vomit
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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