I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
