I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
