I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
