mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
