I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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