gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
