38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
