You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
