She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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