You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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