Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
