Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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