the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
