I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
