Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
