Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
