I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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