but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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