The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
