How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
