i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
