Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
