Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
