Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
