do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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