it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
