I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
