Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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