I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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