i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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