glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
